what is their deal?

i try.
sometimes.
things are getting crazy.
everything is a mess.
I can't control people's feelings.
I hate how everyone drinks.
I hate teachers/coach's.
I hate project adventure.
I hate..I hate..everything.

this is when girls kill flowers...

with my luck.
he'll check this.

i have a best friend.
there is a slight dilemma connected to him.
yes, thats right.
i just said dilemma.
see this best friend disappeared for awhile.
but now...he/she is back
ya know what.
ill explain later..
i dont feel like it now
ha funny right?
adios
.

so...lets see whats new with my life so far...

So. let's start at the beginning.
im sitting in my house on the last day of school in my bathing suit. It's 3:20 in the afternoon. My two favorite girls just fell asleep on my couch.
We were going to go for a bike ride, but i guess thats not going to happen now.
-My dog is being unbearable. (he was sick yesterday, so now i guess hes making up for being so good..)
-im tired
-im feeling quite lonely.
-as i said b4.. they fell asleep.
So, im wasting some time doing things i wasn't allowed to do when i was supposed to be studing for finals.
did i mention i dont have school anymore?
Did i ALSO mention i dumped a guy that was really nice?.. and.. good to me?
yeah.. theres somehting wrong with my brain.
but the thin is, i dont like having a boyfriend.
tied down.. i really dont like it.
but i think, if that one guy i have my eye on, asked me.. then id say yes.
bc i think it would be different with him.
hes really cute too.. (did i mention that yet?)
So i met him this year, but we never really talked until the end of the year. Which is sort of sad, but hes funny, and hes... really REALLY cute, and hes just my size
(not that being any other size was bad..im just saying)
so yeah.. he almost came over today too... but he couldnt :-(
i hope we get to hang out though, and i hope he doesnt ignore me or anything.
oh god... what a guy..
AnYwAy..
i dont know if i should wake them up.. or if i should just wander off and do my own thing...
i cant believe they fell asleep.
i hate how my summer is all fille dup already.. ALREADY!
tomorrow im going to the beach with maureen and my mom and my sister and stef, and some cousins.. then friday im going down to the boat until maybe sunday..
and then hopefully Sunday i can come home early enough to go paintbrawling with maureeny and michelle..
(although im probably going to just speculate)
At the end of the month is the field hockey camp, and then allies bbq party.. and then july i have other stuff..
im never going to be home on weekends..
im always going to be on the boat.. not thta its a bad thing realy, bc i loe lavalette more than OB, but ill wanna hang with people from school.
aka.. cutie.
actually, hes more than cute, he's like.. abnormally amazingly hot.
if that is even possible.
(hes myspace pics aren't as good as the real thing)
:-)
ohh. somebodies got it badddddd.
too bad he doesnt like me enough.
well, i might as well check on the pooch and make sure he hasnt done any more damage to the house..
just to be annoying.
maybe someone will actually read this...
ciao bella

i hate how things end up in my life...

and how bad everything gets..

::sigh::

im standing by my own...forget about the past ill never know...

i hate this. I hate it a lot. I hate having to make believe things never happened, because thats the only way i can get over things. Not like anything really happened..but it feels like it did.
But now i'm supposed to MOVE on.
easy right?
no, sorry, not for me
::sigh::
i'm so sick of this.
Why can't anything just work out the way i planned for once.
arghhh

in the mood to scream.. a lot...

...so please don't ask me how
i ended up at my wits end and breaking down.
pages torn from books we never read,
cause we're plugged into this grid.
don't pull this plug right now,
or then we really have to live.

when i die, will they remember not
what i did, but what i haven't done.
it's not the end, that i fear with each breath.
it's life that scares me to death...

when we built these dreams on sand,
how they all slipped through our hands.
and this might be our only chance.
let's take this one day at a time,
i'll hold your hand if you hold mine.
the time that we kill keeps us alive.

your words won't save me now.
i'm at the edge feeling the sweat drip from my brow.
get a grip on yourself is what they say,
every hour every day.
hands over my ears,
I'VE BEEN SCREAMING ALL THESE YEARS!

WE CAME IN SEARCH OF ANSWERS!
WE LEFT EMPTY HANDED AGAIN!
SHOTS FIRED INTO THE SKY...
ARE NOW RETURNING!
WHERE THE F*** WILL YOU HIDE!?
from the laughter in the closet, some alive
but the door hinges are squeaking letting in thin shards of light.
and now our hands extending outward,
quiet comfort they invite,
and do we dare take what they offer?
do we step into the light?





i think im falling
im falling hard
again.

this is a celebration..not

so, today was kinda weird. I woke up knd of late today because my alarm was set weird. It must of been set on the wrong thing, so i woke up a little later than usual. which sort of annoyed me for some odd reason. i didnt get to walk the dog because i was running a little late to catch the bus, and that messed up my morning, because i didnt get to spend and "goofy" time with the dog. So i go out to the bus stop, and im the only one there, which is surprising because it was later. My neighbor wasnt even out and she goes out even earlier, but she wasn't there either. so, i get on the bus, and i was in a bad mood, so i really didn't talk to Matt at all. (which i usually do) i get off the bus, walk into school and chat with the usual people for a while. (until the 1st bell rings) then i walked with them to my locker and then went to my 1st period class with Michelle. I hate that period. i hate math. It bothers me so much. Just the people in it, and the environment are so unwelcoming. so then i went to Microsoft, boring, then Italian. Hah. that was the best part of the day, i'd havta admit. So i get in the class, and Allie had told me she brought my favorite flat pretzel things, and i was all happy, (for a short time).. then we sat down toward the back of the class where my seat is and then Chris came over and poked me really hard.. like he usually does, and then Joe came over so it was us four. But then james wandered over and my teacher said we were gunna watch a movie bc we were gunna take a day off, (i guess she was being nice, but it didnt really work.) We eventually found out it was a movie on the Renaissance period, and thats what we're doing next chapter in Italian. ::yuck:: The teacher was in some mood (she was probably PMS'n but shes always like that so i dunno what to call it.) So then shes like "blah blah blah.. im not in the mood for this so im gunna be a mean lady and send you to the office if you don't listen to me..".. so then out of the blue she moves Chris and then Joe.. so its me, allie, and James still in the back.. Me n allie ate the rest of her lunch that she brought to the class, and we were like laughing hysterically about it. And then James moved so he was directly behind me so the teacher couldnt see him eat his sandwich.. So then we kept talking and stuff, and then sadly, the period ended..So then i walked with maureen downstairs and she went to the shuttle and i went to my locker and then i had lunch. As i was trying to get my books to fit into my locker, Matt walks up (bc he waits for me) and then we slowly but surely walk to the lunch room and eat lunch. Chris (different chris) gets on my nerves a little, then he goes to sit with Phil at his lunch table.. so then lunch is over, and i walk alone to photography.. kinda boring but the whole time i reminisced with this chick about summer time..(ahh i miss it).. and then listened to this annoying girl yell at the teacher. Ya know i wish teachers had the power to slap kids across the face when they talk back.. seriously. It bothers me so much. anyway, then i walk to History and wasn't allowed to GET through the dorrway because the GIRL THAT I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE was in the way.. and by that time i felt so annoyed that i just felt like punching her in the face...
ANYWAYYYYs, so then i went to history.. had a fun time in there... and then English..boring.. we watched this movie on shakespeare...yuck..
and THEN .. in Biology.. (ugh dont even get me started...) we got a project.. not any ol project.. a RESEARCH PAPER!
i hat eit
horrible
then i had gym
then i got into an arguement with maureen.
and all this other crazy shtuff happened byee

yeah so..

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
And when she gets there she knows if the stores are closed
With a word she can get what she came for

Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
And you know sometimes words have two meanings
In the tree by the brook there's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven

Woe oh oh oh oh oh And she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who stand looking





theres a first for everything, and this song should help you out ..
thanks Joe :-P

?

So, Im in the same class as usual, and ya know, i hurt my side working in the basement last night, and now my hip is humungouse from being bruised and scrapped and bleeding, and everythign.. so yeah, anyways

i was hoping to talk to you know who .. maybe, but i doubt it... oh wait, yo DoNt't know who.. oh well,

your not gunna find out either...

so yeah next period i gotta ask alison if she has an advil or something that way it'll stop hurting, because it hurts soo much.

so this guy that i like has been talking to me, so much.. well actualy i dont think i like him. i think hes just like the best guy frie friends anyone could ask for...

hes smart, hilariously funny, and deserves to die. and im glad that we're close

he has a gilrlfriend and he is still going out with her but i dont know why because he hasnt seen her in like foreveer..

i wonder if something happens bc i gotta show him my scar-y thing from .. yeah i just forgot what i was saying so

im gunna go rando,ly search the web now..

peace out homeslice

:oP