im standing by my own...forget about the past ill never know...

i hate this. I hate it a lot. I hate having to make believe things never happened, because thats the only way i can get over things. Not like anything really happened..but it feels like it did.
But now i'm supposed to MOVE on.
easy right?
no, sorry, not for me
::sigh::
i'm so sick of this.
Why can't anything just work out the way i planned for once.
arghhh

in the mood to scream.. a lot...

...so please don't ask me how
i ended up at my wits end and breaking down.
pages torn from books we never read,
cause we're plugged into this grid.
don't pull this plug right now,
or then we really have to live.

when i die, will they remember not
what i did, but what i haven't done.
it's not the end, that i fear with each breath.
it's life that scares me to death...

when we built these dreams on sand,
how they all slipped through our hands.
and this might be our only chance.
let's take this one day at a time,
i'll hold your hand if you hold mine.
the time that we kill keeps us alive.

your words won't save me now.
i'm at the edge feeling the sweat drip from my brow.
get a grip on yourself is what they say,
every hour every day.
hands over my ears,
I'VE BEEN SCREAMING ALL THESE YEARS!

WE CAME IN SEARCH OF ANSWERS!
WE LEFT EMPTY HANDED AGAIN!
SHOTS FIRED INTO THE SKY...
ARE NOW RETURNING!
WHERE THE F*** WILL YOU HIDE!?
from the laughter in the closet, some alive
but the door hinges are squeaking letting in thin shards of light.
and now our hands extending outward,
quiet comfort they invite,
and do we dare take what they offer?
do we step into the light?





i think im falling
im falling hard
again.

this is a celebration..not

so, today was kinda weird. I woke up knd of late today because my alarm was set weird. It must of been set on the wrong thing, so i woke up a little later than usual. which sort of annoyed me for some odd reason. i didnt get to walk the dog because i was running a little late to catch the bus, and that messed up my morning, because i didnt get to spend and "goofy" time with the dog. So i go out to the bus stop, and im the only one there, which is surprising because it was later. My neighbor wasnt even out and she goes out even earlier, but she wasn't there either. so, i get on the bus, and i was in a bad mood, so i really didn't talk to Matt at all. (which i usually do) i get off the bus, walk into school and chat with the usual people for a while. (until the 1st bell rings) then i walked with them to my locker and then went to my 1st period class with Michelle. I hate that period. i hate math. It bothers me so much. Just the people in it, and the environment are so unwelcoming. so then i went to Microsoft, boring, then Italian. Hah. that was the best part of the day, i'd havta admit. So i get in the class, and Allie had told me she brought my favorite flat pretzel things, and i was all happy, (for a short time).. then we sat down toward the back of the class where my seat is and then Chris came over and poked me really hard.. like he usually does, and then Joe came over so it was us four. But then james wandered over and my teacher said we were gunna watch a movie bc we were gunna take a day off, (i guess she was being nice, but it didnt really work.) We eventually found out it was a movie on the Renaissance period, and thats what we're doing next chapter in Italian. ::yuck:: The teacher was in some mood (she was probably PMS'n but shes always like that so i dunno what to call it.) So then shes like "blah blah blah.. im not in the mood for this so im gunna be a mean lady and send you to the office if you don't listen to me..".. so then out of the blue she moves Chris and then Joe.. so its me, allie, and James still in the back.. Me n allie ate the rest of her lunch that she brought to the class, and we were like laughing hysterically about it. And then James moved so he was directly behind me so the teacher couldnt see him eat his sandwich.. So then we kept talking and stuff, and then sadly, the period ended..So then i walked with maureen downstairs and she went to the shuttle and i went to my locker and then i had lunch. As i was trying to get my books to fit into my locker, Matt walks up (bc he waits for me) and then we slowly but surely walk to the lunch room and eat lunch. Chris (different chris) gets on my nerves a little, then he goes to sit with Phil at his lunch table.. so then lunch is over, and i walk alone to photography.. kinda boring but the whole time i reminisced with this chick about summer time..(ahh i miss it).. and then listened to this annoying girl yell at the teacher. Ya know i wish teachers had the power to slap kids across the face when they talk back.. seriously. It bothers me so much. anyway, then i walk to History and wasn't allowed to GET through the dorrway because the GIRL THAT I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE was in the way.. and by that time i felt so annoyed that i just felt like punching her in the face...
ANYWAYYYYs, so then i went to history.. had a fun time in there... and then English..boring.. we watched this movie on shakespeare...yuck..
and THEN .. in Biology.. (ugh dont even get me started...) we got a project.. not any ol project.. a RESEARCH PAPER!
i hat eit
horrible
then i had gym
then i got into an arguement with maureen.
and all this other crazy shtuff happened byee

yeah so..

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
And when she gets there she knows if the stores are closed
With a word she can get what she came for

Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
And you know sometimes words have two meanings
In the tree by the brook there's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven

Woe oh oh oh oh oh And she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who stand looking





theres a first for everything, and this song should help you out ..
thanks Joe :-P