Four more days. Christmas is in four more days. Crazy how it feels as if yesterday was the last day of summer still. How I long for there to be one more super hot and beautiful summer day down at the boat. Amazing how much can change in a matter of a couple months. Super storm Sandy ripped my safe haven up and its all torn to shreds now. Of course, its been weeks since the tragedy and yes they have been able to clean up some of the debris and straighten up some of the mess. But what is hard to come to terms with is that no matter how much they clean up the streets of Seaside and repair the damaged boardwalk, no one really is aware of how much debris is in the ocean. They may say that some of the shore could be repaired by the time summer comes around again, but how can there be a shore without the ocean. Imagine this. You take a day trip down to the beach. You get there, lather up some sunscreen, as you would normally do, and once you give yourself enough time for the suntan lotion to absorb into your skin, you head down towards the water. As the tide comes up and grazes your toes, you catch sight of a 2x4. Maybe a couple steel pipes from the boardwalk. You start walking down the beach along the water and, careful, watch out for the rusty nails.
How many years will it take for the debris to be cleared out? How many accidents will happen before they permanently close down the beaches because they are no longer safe? Every summer since I can remember, I have made memories that last a lifetime down at the beach. The shore has been my savior, my hideaway, my friend and yeah, you can say that sounds lame and weird but it was always there. It was there when I wanted everyone gone and only the sound of the waves hitting the shoreline. When times got tough and I felt like shutting my voice and thoughts off, I turned to nature and the beautiful land it gave me. Having the beach so close to me has definitely helped me become more at ease with whatever problems I had in my life and it had helped me stay calm during stress related issues in my life. You could laugh at me and say I'm just another jersey girl obsessed with the beach. Call it whatever you want or whatever makes you feel better. The shore was most definitely a constant in my life. Something that, no matter what year it was, how old I was, how many children I had, it was something that I always pictured to be near every summer. I wanted my children to grow up the same way I was able to. I seem to be making it sound like the ocean died, or it all got swallowed up by the sea. Its still there. It's still strong, but it's definitely injured. It's just a matter of if the people in this world have enough patience and love for it in order to make it better and safe. People are so wrapped up in their own lives and always looking for ways to make their lives easier, that I feel like they will fix it to an extent. They will fix it enough for tourists to come and attractions to go up. But in the end, nothing will ever be the same.
As it gets closer and closer to Christmas, I feel worse and worse about how my favorite holiday feels forced. Why does it just not feel like Christmas? The lights are up, the presents are around the tree, the music is playing all around, and yet, something is missing. Something holiday related is absent and I can't for the life of me figure it out. I'm afraid to say that ever since the storm there's an odd darkness overlooking everything. It's just laying on the edge of everything. Constantly there in the background. One of those creeps you see following you or staring at you and you think to yourself, maybe if I just close my eyes or ignore it, it won't be there. Just a figment of my imagination. Sometimes, at least for me, that tends to make it worse.
Maybe I'm letting the whole shore thing get to me and bother me. Maybe it's super stupid to write a whole blog post on how much I miss the beach. But honestly I think this is good for the body. I'm talking about something that is on the Earth. Something that has been there for years. Not some technological device or a favorite shirt that got a stain on it. This is real life and real problems. Some people have their shirts. Some people have their fancy space phones. I have my beach. My forever love. My home base.
Instead of rereading what I wrote, I'm just going to post it because I know that if I reread it, I'll end up deleting a majority of it because it doesn't make sense.
I should probably get some rest now. It's late and I don't want nasty bags under my eyes.
cheers.
