i hate how things end up in my life...

and how bad everything gets..

::sigh::

im standing by my own...forget about the past ill never know...

i hate this. I hate it a lot. I hate having to make believe things never happened, because thats the only way i can get over things. Not like anything really happened..but it feels like it did.
But now i'm supposed to MOVE on.
easy right?
no, sorry, not for me
::sigh::
i'm so sick of this.
Why can't anything just work out the way i planned for once.
arghhh

in the mood to scream.. a lot...

...so please don't ask me how
i ended up at my wits end and breaking down.
pages torn from books we never read,
cause we're plugged into this grid.
don't pull this plug right now,
or then we really have to live.

when i die, will they remember not
what i did, but what i haven't done.
it's not the end, that i fear with each breath.
it's life that scares me to death...

when we built these dreams on sand,
how they all slipped through our hands.
and this might be our only chance.
let's take this one day at a time,
i'll hold your hand if you hold mine.
the time that we kill keeps us alive.

your words won't save me now.
i'm at the edge feeling the sweat drip from my brow.
get a grip on yourself is what they say,
every hour every day.
hands over my ears,
I'VE BEEN SCREAMING ALL THESE YEARS!

WE CAME IN SEARCH OF ANSWERS!
WE LEFT EMPTY HANDED AGAIN!
SHOTS FIRED INTO THE SKY...
ARE NOW RETURNING!
WHERE THE F*** WILL YOU HIDE!?
from the laughter in the closet, some alive
but the door hinges are squeaking letting in thin shards of light.
and now our hands extending outward,
quiet comfort they invite,
and do we dare take what they offer?
do we step into the light?





i think im falling
im falling hard
again.

this is a celebration..not

so, today was kinda weird. I woke up knd of late today because my alarm was set weird. It must of been set on the wrong thing, so i woke up a little later than usual. which sort of annoyed me for some odd reason. i didnt get to walk the dog because i was running a little late to catch the bus, and that messed up my morning, because i didnt get to spend and "goofy" time with the dog. So i go out to the bus stop, and im the only one there, which is surprising because it was later. My neighbor wasnt even out and she goes out even earlier, but she wasn't there either. so, i get on the bus, and i was in a bad mood, so i really didn't talk to Matt at all. (which i usually do) i get off the bus, walk into school and chat with the usual people for a while. (until the 1st bell rings) then i walked with them to my locker and then went to my 1st period class with Michelle. I hate that period. i hate math. It bothers me so much. Just the people in it, and the environment are so unwelcoming. so then i went to Microsoft, boring, then Italian. Hah. that was the best part of the day, i'd havta admit. So i get in the class, and Allie had told me she brought my favorite flat pretzel things, and i was all happy, (for a short time).. then we sat down toward the back of the class where my seat is and then Chris came over and poked me really hard.. like he usually does, and then Joe came over so it was us four. But then james wandered over and my teacher said we were gunna watch a movie bc we were gunna take a day off, (i guess she was being nice, but it didnt really work.) We eventually found out it was a movie on the Renaissance period, and thats what we're doing next chapter in Italian. ::yuck:: The teacher was in some mood (she was probably PMS'n but shes always like that so i dunno what to call it.) So then shes like "blah blah blah.. im not in the mood for this so im gunna be a mean lady and send you to the office if you don't listen to me..".. so then out of the blue she moves Chris and then Joe.. so its me, allie, and James still in the back.. Me n allie ate the rest of her lunch that she brought to the class, and we were like laughing hysterically about it. And then James moved so he was directly behind me so the teacher couldnt see him eat his sandwich.. So then we kept talking and stuff, and then sadly, the period ended..So then i walked with maureen downstairs and she went to the shuttle and i went to my locker and then i had lunch. As i was trying to get my books to fit into my locker, Matt walks up (bc he waits for me) and then we slowly but surely walk to the lunch room and eat lunch. Chris (different chris) gets on my nerves a little, then he goes to sit with Phil at his lunch table.. so then lunch is over, and i walk alone to photography.. kinda boring but the whole time i reminisced with this chick about summer time..(ahh i miss it).. and then listened to this annoying girl yell at the teacher. Ya know i wish teachers had the power to slap kids across the face when they talk back.. seriously. It bothers me so much. anyway, then i walk to History and wasn't allowed to GET through the dorrway because the GIRL THAT I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE was in the way.. and by that time i felt so annoyed that i just felt like punching her in the face...
ANYWAYYYYs, so then i went to history.. had a fun time in there... and then English..boring.. we watched this movie on shakespeare...yuck..
and THEN .. in Biology.. (ugh dont even get me started...) we got a project.. not any ol project.. a RESEARCH PAPER!
i hat eit
horrible
then i had gym
then i got into an arguement with maureen.
and all this other crazy shtuff happened byee

yeah so..

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
And when she gets there she knows if the stores are closed
With a word she can get what she came for

Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
And you know sometimes words have two meanings
In the tree by the brook there's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven

Woe oh oh oh oh oh And she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who stand looking





theres a first for everything, and this song should help you out ..
thanks Joe :-P

?

So, Im in the same class as usual, and ya know, i hurt my side working in the basement last night, and now my hip is humungouse from being bruised and scrapped and bleeding, and everythign.. so yeah, anyways

i was hoping to talk to you know who .. maybe, but i doubt it... oh wait, yo DoNt't know who.. oh well,

your not gunna find out either...

so yeah next period i gotta ask alison if she has an advil or something that way it'll stop hurting, because it hurts soo much.

so this guy that i like has been talking to me, so much.. well actualy i dont think i like him. i think hes just like the best guy frie friends anyone could ask for...

hes smart, hilariously funny, and deserves to die. and im glad that we're close

he has a gilrlfriend and he is still going out with her but i dont know why because he hasnt seen her in like foreveer..

i wonder if something happens bc i gotta show him my scar-y thing from .. yeah i just forgot what i was saying so

im gunna go rando,ly search the web now..

peace out homeslice

:oP

Bingo anyone?

hey people, so this is how im going to type from now on, or till i get tired of it....

so.. in 5 days its christmas and i cant wait.. bc i love it to death...

anyways..

my teacher just gave out this bingo thing (in microfts) weird huh?..

and im gunna go play bingo on EXCEL..lol

lammmeeeooo

bye<3

im here to SAVE the world

well now since im in a dandy mood and i just discovered that i can type this baby in webdings.. have fun uncovering my blog :-)

Hi guys. i just realized that everytime i forget what im saying i haveto earase everything i wrote bc its not ini english.. i guess it pays to .. idk.. im bored...Im in microsoft "suite" 2 and im quite bored.. the teacher just handed out a "thanksgiiving" word search and i thought o yself.. wow this has NOTHING to do with computers.. except for the point that it was made on one. Its got this turkey on it(duh), and when i looked at it i remebered that during turkey day, i always make the gobble bgobble noise for my sister. i dont think i have yet. so i guess ill save it for the real turkey day.. (which is about, tomorrow)..
Boy, i cant wait for Christmas..
(dont yell at me if a lot of words are spelt wrong bc its... wait the teacher just said somethign a i forgot what i said. ...ok i just checked.. i was saying that you cant yell at me because a lot of words are spelt worng and its like im not reading or im blind and cant see what im typing.. (just from memory kinda thing and as my sister kows.. my memory cisnt good some times.. lol
silly me
dont even get me started with my dictionary.. lol
i havent "blogged" in such a long time and its weird/..
bye!

finally

sorry for the long time between now and the last time i "blogged"..
i forgot my password and my username..
lol
woops
in microsoft again.. but this time in 10th grad einstead of 9th
not in the mood to type
bye!
oh btw.. this is my background..(nicole)

ew

people are so annoying. i hate when they make stupid noises in the background..
its hard enough getting up in front of the class.. i dont need stupid guys in the background making fun of what my favorite things are.. sure they might be a little stupid.. but thats me..
i hate people...

oh my darlin oh mah darlin

AHHH I HATE PARENTS!!!...but these thingys just cheer me up... :-]

ahh living life so safe, it kills you..

so yesterday i stayed home because i had severe cramps... yes yes.. get over it...
anyway.. so i stayed home, which, BTW, i rarely ever do .. acually that was the first the whole year/...
(arent i a good little girll....)
AnYwAy... sooo
i stayed home and of course the madre had to call in and say i was sick..
she called and said that i was sick and the lady on the other line says, "is she really sick??"
isnt that a little weird for the attendance lady top ask that question?
what was my mom gunna say?...
"uh no im just lying.. shes acually smoking some pot right now in our attic... you can come join us if you want.."
yea ok loser..
then while i was drifting off to sleep.. i remebered that one of the "stupid" kids in my math class mentioned that that day was , "National Pot Day"
oh my god.. how lame is that
anyway i wondered if that was the reason the lady asked my mom that question...so then i told my mom... and i was like.. yea they said that if anyone stays home that day, they'll haveto get drug-tested....
i wasx like..." ma, im not getting drug tested!"
so i made her write a note just incase anyone did call me down to the nurse..
(just to be safe)
im not one to pee in a cup.. sorry.. its just not my thing...
anyway.. nothing happened.. im sitting here typing this.. drug-free ...and drug-tested free
i hate high school

ahh...the wonders of school

im in microsoft.. and im sitting here bc i have gottan my work done b4 the end of class..(again)

and im just thinking about everything thats going on..

i hate school.. and i want to go home but i dont want to bc i noe im probably justy gunna get into an arguement with the madre..

what fun that is.

this time its no tv for a week.. (again)

::sigh::

so dylan weighs 24 lbs. now and hes getting big.

idk want him to get bigger bc then i cant pick him up..

i like being able to pick him up

but he seriously needs to stop teething..

my sisters bday is in 3 DAYS!!

shes gunna be 21 and then shes gunna be able to drinlk

and i cant

especailly when we go to virginia for 4th of july.. all my cousins are older then me and shes going to be drinking also..

ill be the only one who cant drink .. well except for Brian.. (who just turned 2..(so im not counting him)

yes so thanks nicole..

and happy birthday

(her bloggy thingy is: howmuchisthatdoggieinthewindow.blogspot.com)

comment her or something saying happy b day on saturday..

i <3>

the nameless sleepyhead has a name!!

ok so his name is........DYLAN!!!
yes yes this wonderful little bouncy soft puppies name is dylan tango
adorable little thing..
you should see him
hes 10/11 weeks old now and he grew a little bit..
hes a boxer and they said hes gunna be like 70 lbs. when hes an adult.
so anyway... he loves to chase his tail
and he is the biggest lapdog you'll ever meet
its amazing
i sure hope he grows out of it by the time he's an adult bc hes gunna be One Big Doggie..lol
ok thats all for now..
updates on *DJ Dielyn* later
gotta go finish my 12 facts on the voyager(s) and studying...(well trying to study)
for math
.......ew.......
MuCh <3

yay.. no more testing

its 11th period.. on friday and like less than 2 hrs ago we finished the terra novas and the pre-HSPA... woopiddooo
im gunna go play sum games on
allfunnystuff.com
have a outragously funky weekend!!!
:-)

the nameless sleepyhead...

so today is monday, and yesterday was sunday..(obviously..).. so anyway... sat night, my parentals went out with sum amily members to the racetrack...(something they never do..)
they ended up coming home realllyyy late ...(well for them anyway)
so they came home late and then on sunday mornings we usually go to church at like 8 in the mornin....
so i wake up and its 11:30 in the morning and we havent gone to church yet.. so the day already started out weird..
we go to church
i see tons of people that are too lazy to get up earlier...(yea and most are my friends..hey guys..)
anywya
i ended up talkin to my bestes friend for a lil while and then me, my mom, and my sister went back home and went with my dad to the homdel commons thingy..
(cuz my dad wanted to go into Peir* 1) (for sum on sale "wicker")
so we walked around for a ll while and then when we got back into the car, none of us wanted to go back home yet bc it was still really early, so we took a vote on where to go..
down the road there was a Wendy's and my family likes Wendy's ..so why not just go to Wendys
anyway
so we go
and the biggest topic was dogs
we saw that there was a puppy place on the way to the wendys so on our way home we desicded to go in..(although my mom wasnt too keen*"or however you spell it")
so we go in and as we get to the end of the cages we see this little boxer (brownish) and hes trying to curl up and he cant bc hes all mushed together in this very odd way
so my dad finally tells the lady to get him...(the dog) so we could see him..
so we go into the seperate cubical where you can play with the puppies
andneedless to say
hes sitting in our kitchen this very moment..
he is 9 weeks old.. brown smushed face... and the cutest thing you'll ever see
(danielle says we should name it "hokey")
lol
so anyway
if you have any names or idea feel free to comment me or whatever you feel like doing
I HAVE A PUPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:-)
:-)

no lovin..

argh.. im in microsoft.. again...
and yea... well the kid that i thought was kinda cute.. well.. yea hes got a girl..
and the loser.. i went out with is now in my gym class.
just my luck..
why the heck cant something good happen and why the heck DONT YOU PEOPLE COMMENT ME!!!!
dont just read the blog.. comment it
do something
dont just sit around looking at peoples blogs
(BTW..DANE COOK IS AN AWESOME COMEDIAN!!!)

lalalaaaaaaa

Can't buy me love, love
Can't buy me love
I'll buy you a diamond ring my friend if it makes you feel alright
I'll get you anything my friend if it makes you feel alright
'cause I don't care too much for money, and money can't buy me love
I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too
I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to youI don't care too much for money, money can't buy me loveCan't buy me love, everybody tells me soCan't buy me love, no no no, noSay you don't need no diamond ring and I'll be satisfiedTell me that you want the kind of thing that money just can't buyI don't care too much for money, money can't buy me loveOwww!Can't buy me love, everybody tells me soCan't buy me love, no no no, noSay you don't need no diamond ring and I'll be satisfiedTell me that you want the kind of thing that money just can't buyI don't care too much for money, money can't buy me loveCan't buy me love, loveCan't buy me love

bored.. even worse

ahh... so hows life...
ok so todays sunday... and at 300, i went to dinas house
ahh love her
lol. so anyway, we hung out at her house, watched the longest yard, and talked about "class of 2005"
then we went to the chinese buffet in hazlet
soo much fun...!!!
then we went to costco for a lil while to get sumthin for her dad or something like that
so then we go back to her house and watch more of the movie.. i was mostly watching her kitty cat though because i missed working at the kennel and i miss having a pet
(and how soft and cuddly it was)
so anyway.. my mom picked me up and now im here
woopdidoo
but yea anyway i had such a good time with dina and i miss last year
cuz we were so ditzy together
lol
ok im gunna go finish watchin the movie ive been watchin so yea.. see you when i see you <3

well now..isnt that some craziness..

hey there.. ok.. so, right now.. its monday february 13, 2006.. 7:57 PM
today was a snow day
tomorrow is valentines day
the day after is *wednesday*
greattt
what a waste of a snow day..
so today i got up, walked right into my study (room with computer/TV/couch), and sat down, because i had yet finish my project that was due that day..(well since i had no school, had to finish for the next day....)
anyway, my mom and sister were trying to get the info INTO my head.. (which wasnt working quite well)
and so yea.. i spent the whole day trying to finish this stupid ray bradbury project.. argh
so yea... valentines day used to be soooo much fun in like elementary school, but once you hit adolesence*, it goes straight downhill..if you watch.. girls want more than a "stupid" valentines card, or lollipops... or ya noe, those little thingys we handed oput to every person in our class in K-5 grade.....so much easier
now, a guy will be alll like crazied if just sum random chick gives out cards.. and girls think its ludacris* to see a guy give out chocolates top every girl in his class.. (well i doubt youd ever see sum guy do that anyway)
but if it did happen.. people..or should i say.. "teens" would either make fun or that person, or well yea.. pretty much make fun of that person...
what harm would it do?
i just wish things would be back to the way they were... nice, cute, fun, worry free lives
you wouldnt have to worry about potheads, or anything else we worry about in Middle schooll and HS...
i hate it
no lockers...no 25 minute lunches... no "periods.. nothing hard, or confusing..
we had recess..
long luches
fun gyms
easy spelling bees
and cute, fun, valentines day
ugh.. now im depressed
:-/