Four more days. Christmas is in four more days. Crazy how it feels as if yesterday was the last day of summer still. How I long for there to be one more super hot and beautiful summer day down at the boat. Amazing how much can change in a matter of a couple months. Super storm Sandy ripped my safe haven up and its all torn to shreds now. Of course, its been weeks since the tragedy and yes they have been able to clean up some of the debris and straighten up some of the mess. But what is hard to come to terms with is that no matter how much they clean up the streets of Seaside and repair the damaged boardwalk, no one really is aware of how much debris is in the ocean. They may say that some of the shore could be repaired by the time summer comes around again, but how can there be a shore without the ocean. Imagine this. You take a day trip down to the beach. You get there, lather up some sunscreen, as you would normally do, and once you give yourself enough time for the suntan lotion to absorb into your skin, you head down towards the water. As the tide comes up and grazes your toes, you catch sight of a 2x4. Maybe a couple steel pipes from the boardwalk. You start walking down the beach along the water and, careful, watch out for the rusty nails.
How many years will it take for the debris to be cleared out? How many accidents will happen before they permanently close down the beaches because they are no longer safe? Every summer since I can remember, I have made memories that last a lifetime down at the beach. The shore has been my savior, my hideaway, my friend and yeah, you can say that sounds lame and weird but it was always there. It was there when I wanted everyone gone and only the sound of the waves hitting the shoreline. When times got tough and I felt like shutting my voice and thoughts off, I turned to nature and the beautiful land it gave me. Having the beach so close to me has definitely helped me become more at ease with whatever problems I had in my life and it had helped me stay calm during stress related issues in my life. You could laugh at me and say I'm just another jersey girl obsessed with the beach. Call it whatever you want or whatever makes you feel better. The shore was most definitely a constant in my life. Something that, no matter what year it was, how old I was, how many children I had, it was something that I always pictured to be near every summer. I wanted my children to grow up the same way I was able to. I seem to be making it sound like the ocean died, or it all got swallowed up by the sea. Its still there. It's still strong, but it's definitely injured. It's just a matter of if the people in this world have enough patience and love for it in order to make it better and safe. People are so wrapped up in their own lives and always looking for ways to make their lives easier, that I feel like they will fix it to an extent. They will fix it enough for tourists to come and attractions to go up. But in the end, nothing will ever be the same.
As it gets closer and closer to Christmas, I feel worse and worse about how my favorite holiday feels forced. Why does it just not feel like Christmas? The lights are up, the presents are around the tree, the music is playing all around, and yet, something is missing. Something holiday related is absent and I can't for the life of me figure it out. I'm afraid to say that ever since the storm there's an odd darkness overlooking everything. It's just laying on the edge of everything. Constantly there in the background. One of those creeps you see following you or staring at you and you think to yourself, maybe if I just close my eyes or ignore it, it won't be there. Just a figment of my imagination. Sometimes, at least for me, that tends to make it worse.
Maybe I'm letting the whole shore thing get to me and bother me. Maybe it's super stupid to write a whole blog post on how much I miss the beach. But honestly I think this is good for the body. I'm talking about something that is on the Earth. Something that has been there for years. Not some technological device or a favorite shirt that got a stain on it. This is real life and real problems. Some people have their shirts. Some people have their fancy space phones. I have my beach. My forever love. My home base.
Instead of rereading what I wrote, I'm just going to post it because I know that if I reread it, I'll end up deleting a majority of it because it doesn't make sense.
I should probably get some rest now. It's late and I don't want nasty bags under my eyes.
cheers.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
I'm not dead yet.
Hola blogger world.
So I'm currently sitting outside on my front porch, soaking up some cool sun rays before it gets too cold and i have to go back inside. I had a few errands to run with my mom earlier in the day after the gym, so once we came back from those I took Dylan out for some exercise because he was stuck in the house all day. So I've exercised the dog, myself, and now i'm just chilling. It's beautiful out. I'm not sure of the temperature, but there's a slight cool breeze and the sun is blazing out so its pretty much light sweatshirt weather. (I only have on yoga pants, and a thin sweatshirt on.) Since I'm in quite the mellow mood I figured I'd blog a little and discuss what has been going on lately in my "Oh so Wonderful!" life.
Last blog I did, which wasn't too long ago, I posted on my tumblr. I forgot that I had one, and I was looking and reading other people's tumblr's so I figured what the heck, I'll try it out again. And then I was trying to figure out if I liked Tumblr better or Blogger. Pretty sure I picked Blogger, but that may just be because I've been using it for so long and I'm just so used to it. (Don't go changing on me now!)
So, what else can I tell you. I'm still (legit) jobless. I still clean/landscape my grandmother's house. I've been doing that since forever.. (2000) and I work in my basement assembling wires for a side job for my dad's work, which we started maybe twoish years ago, and I also babysit a four year old who lives across the street, and I've been doing that for a year or twoo besides those, i'm jobless. Ha. Seems like more than what an unemployed person would be doing right? Yea, I agree.. but none of it is good enough I guess. I would still be doing all those jobs even if I had a full time job. Just because I wouldn't trust anyone else cleaning my grandmothers house, I'll still have that job down in the basement to do if i need any extra money, and the babysitting job is fun, so why would i give that up? I mean, the Full-time job would have to come first unfortunatley, but those I'd leep up with any spare time I had.
There is a big job coming up at my dad's work soon, where he makes different displays for different companies, and he told me that I could go and work it for the few months that they will have that specific job for. Which I right away jumped on because number one, it's a job, number two, it's not retail, and number three, it's a job.. Only probalem that I see is that most of the people that work there on the assembly line don't speak english and my dad gets up at like 5 in the morning. (i would be getting up at 5:30) I would MUCH rather work behind the scenes than deal with customers. adam works at Walgreens now and he always comes to me with ridiculous customer stories. I used to have those when I worked at Rite Aid. Thank god that's over with. So yeah anyway, that job with be from the week of March 4th to sometime in May, not sure when. Hopefully its like 12ish weeks, because that's what I estimated when I was trying to figure out how much I would make by the eend. I need some money for a car. My '95 Sebring has seen beeter days.(Shh, don't tell him) I originally wanted a Jeep Wrangler, which I've wanted a Wrangler for yearssss. Since i was a wee little pup. But since they're so NOT gas-friendly or efficient or whatever you wanna call it, I just put that goal on the backburner till I was making enough money and didn't have to worry about how much the gas prices with rising and how terrible my gas guzzler was. So then I thought about maybe a puddle-jumper. They're fun. And I learned how to drive a manual car recently so I figured why not because I like it a lot. but recently my dad has been looking into Wranglers, not sure why, but I think it's something he wants to be able to let sit in the driveway and work on a bit with me. (FINALLY!) I've wanted to do that with him since I was little. I always told him to get a shabby car and fix it up with me. He wasnt into it thought because he already went through that phase in his life and was on to bigger andbetter more expensive things; boats. After boats he went to motorcycle, which is swhat he is currently on, but now his phase seems to be still bikes and now sort moving into the car stage again. Odd right? men..
Anyhoozles, My 21st birthday is in like..4 months. That's crazy to me. I've been waiting for this year, for 2012, for ever. I remember when i was younger, taling to my mom about how I couldnt wait till I was 17 to get my permit and start driving, then I couldnt wait till I was 18 so I could drive alone everywhere and be free, and then I couldnt wait until I was 21 so i could go where ever I wanted to go and not be restricted anymore. But once I turn 21, what do I look forward to? Nothing. What a depressing thought. I guess 21 is the year where your childhood is COMPLETELY over with. Thats sucks hardcore. I had a blast when I was yonger. Doing things and getting away with it cuz I had no responsibilites, nothing to worry about, because that was my parents job, and I could just sit around and pplay. The point of your childhood is learning, growing, and playing. I feel like I did so much of all of those things. Now what do I do? I have to get a real job, play real bills, buy real food, and live a real life. No more dreaming about what it'll be like when I'm older. I'll be living that life soon enough. So maybe instead of counting down until my birthday, I should start living life everyday like it's my last. (corny!) I probably won't because I'm a lazy butt, but it's healthy to at least think that wy right? I think so.
So that's been some of my thoughts, llife choices and rambles as of lately. Not nearly all of them, but enough to suffice. Now, I should go back inside the house, straighten up my room a bit, and learn some basic spanish for next week.
Wish me luck!
Adiós!
So I'm currently sitting outside on my front porch, soaking up some cool sun rays before it gets too cold and i have to go back inside. I had a few errands to run with my mom earlier in the day after the gym, so once we came back from those I took Dylan out for some exercise because he was stuck in the house all day. So I've exercised the dog, myself, and now i'm just chilling. It's beautiful out. I'm not sure of the temperature, but there's a slight cool breeze and the sun is blazing out so its pretty much light sweatshirt weather. (I only have on yoga pants, and a thin sweatshirt on.) Since I'm in quite the mellow mood I figured I'd blog a little and discuss what has been going on lately in my "Oh so Wonderful!" life.
Last blog I did, which wasn't too long ago, I posted on my tumblr. I forgot that I had one, and I was looking and reading other people's tumblr's so I figured what the heck, I'll try it out again. And then I was trying to figure out if I liked Tumblr better or Blogger. Pretty sure I picked Blogger, but that may just be because I've been using it for so long and I'm just so used to it. (Don't go changing on me now!)
So, what else can I tell you. I'm still (legit) jobless. I still clean/landscape my grandmother's house. I've been doing that since forever.. (2000) and I work in my basement assembling wires for a side job for my dad's work, which we started maybe twoish years ago, and I also babysit a four year old who lives across the street, and I've been doing that for a year or twoo besides those, i'm jobless. Ha. Seems like more than what an unemployed person would be doing right? Yea, I agree.. but none of it is good enough I guess. I would still be doing all those jobs even if I had a full time job. Just because I wouldn't trust anyone else cleaning my grandmothers house, I'll still have that job down in the basement to do if i need any extra money, and the babysitting job is fun, so why would i give that up? I mean, the Full-time job would have to come first unfortunatley, but those I'd leep up with any spare time I had.
There is a big job coming up at my dad's work soon, where he makes different displays for different companies, and he told me that I could go and work it for the few months that they will have that specific job for. Which I right away jumped on because number one, it's a job, number two, it's not retail, and number three, it's a job.. Only probalem that I see is that most of the people that work there on the assembly line don't speak english and my dad gets up at like 5 in the morning. (i would be getting up at 5:30) I would MUCH rather work behind the scenes than deal with customers. adam works at Walgreens now and he always comes to me with ridiculous customer stories. I used to have those when I worked at Rite Aid. Thank god that's over with. So yeah anyway, that job with be from the week of March 4th to sometime in May, not sure when. Hopefully its like 12ish weeks, because that's what I estimated when I was trying to figure out how much I would make by the eend. I need some money for a car. My '95 Sebring has seen beeter days.(Shh, don't tell him) I originally wanted a Jeep Wrangler, which I've wanted a Wrangler for yearssss. Since i was a wee little pup. But since they're so NOT gas-friendly or efficient or whatever you wanna call it, I just put that goal on the backburner till I was making enough money and didn't have to worry about how much the gas prices with rising and how terrible my gas guzzler was. So then I thought about maybe a puddle-jumper. They're fun. And I learned how to drive a manual car recently so I figured why not because I like it a lot. but recently my dad has been looking into Wranglers, not sure why, but I think it's something he wants to be able to let sit in the driveway and work on a bit with me. (FINALLY!) I've wanted to do that with him since I was little. I always told him to get a shabby car and fix it up with me. He wasnt into it thought because he already went through that phase in his life and was on to bigger and
Anyhoozles, My 21st birthday is in like..4 months. That's crazy to me. I've been waiting for this year, for 2012, for ever. I remember when i was younger, taling to my mom about how I couldnt wait till I was 17 to get my permit and start driving, then I couldnt wait till I was 18 so I could drive alone everywhere and be free, and then I couldnt wait until I was 21 so i could go where ever I wanted to go and not be restricted anymore. But once I turn 21, what do I look forward to? Nothing. What a depressing thought. I guess 21 is the year where your childhood is COMPLETELY over with. Thats sucks hardcore. I had a blast when I was yonger. Doing things and getting away with it cuz I had no responsibilites, nothing to worry about, because that was my parents job, and I could just sit around and pplay. The point of your childhood is learning, growing, and playing. I feel like I did so much of all of those things. Now what do I do? I have to get a real job, play real bills, buy real food, and live a real life. No more dreaming about what it'll be like when I'm older. I'll be living that life soon enough. So maybe instead of counting down until my birthday, I should start living life everyday like it's my last. (corny!) I probably won't because I'm a lazy butt, but it's healthy to at least think that wy right? I think so.
So that's been some of my thoughts, llife choices and rambles as of lately. Not nearly all of them, but enough to suffice. Now, I should go back inside the house, straighten up my room a bit, and learn some basic spanish for next week.
Wish me luck!
Adiós!
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