I designed this at Converse.com

I designed this at Converse.com


yes please.

Sick, sad, little world.

Just recently someone that I grew up with in middle school and high school passed away from an overdose. He died September 23, 2011 and his birthday was only a few weeks after mine. He wasn't one of the smarter students, or even one of the "well-behaved" students but he was definitely the kindest and funniest that I met on my journey through middle school. I met him in 6th grade and he seemed to put a smile on my face everyday. Even though some days he would be a big troublemaker and hang out with the "wrong" crowd, in my eyes he seemed to be living his life how he wanted to.
I soon had a crush on him..
Even though we really just grew apart after that year, I always had a soft spot for him. The way his voice sounded, (because it had this rusty sort of sound to it) and he was always just a really nice guy. He was an excellent athlete. He excelled in so many sports and made so many friends.
I'm sure he loved his friends to death, but they were not the type of friends that would encourage him to do good in school, or take care of himself or any of that stuff so the environment that he grew up with was not so great.
Recently I found out that he went to rehab a little bit after graduating from high school and that made me sad.
I wondered what he was going through and who was the first one to offer him some sort of drug. Who started the horrible habits? How did he get into something so deadly? Was it still just the lousy environment he was in?
Was he living the lifestyle he wanted to?
When I found out through Facebook that he had passed, I quickly typed his name into Google to try and find out any information about him since I haven't heard about him in years. As soon as I finished typing his name, a mugshot from Florida popped up. Aggravated assault on a cop.
All of this information just buzzed around in my head for a couple days. I constantly wondered what his family must be going through, hoping that his friends and family would find the good things about him and not focus on the bad.
As I was going about my day, I kept thinking about how he can't continue on with his life, and make adult decisions like buying a car, paying for apartment rent, or even just being able to pick out a couch for his home. He can never do any of those things now.
I wonder what he thought about every night before he went to sleep. Was he happy with the way his life was? Was he struggling to just survive each and every day? No one really knows how he felt and unfortunately his life has ended.
A parent should never have to bury their child. It breaks my heart to have to hear about something like this. The fact that I knew him and made contact with him once before in my life, really made it hit home for me and I've broken down a few times. Even though I was not really friends with him, I feel hurt and damaged. A guy my age, his life is over, his story has ended abruptly and there is nothing that can be done except mourn the loss.

Rest In Peace Jeff Pancetti
6.23.91-9.23.11
You will not be forgotten.

http://www.facebook.com/always.remembered.never.forgotten

Start of a new life...sort of.

So it's late. It's about 2am on a Thursday night and I just finished watching Limitless. Well, that was quite some time ago..
So as you can see, I haven't updated in a long time.
My life is on a different track now, and it's not completely terrible, but it could totally be better.
So, I graduated from High School. I graduated from Community College, and now all I have is an associates in Business. I am not transferring to a four year school for two reasons:
1. I don't want to continue with Business, and I have no real career in mind. I'm stuck and I don't know what to do with my life..
2. College is just not for me. Most of my friends are away at college and I feel like it would be nice to get away from home but that's not something I really want to do. The whole dorming with a stranger, eating crappy food everyday, not having the comfort of my own house and good homemade food?
No thank you.
It's just not for me. I knew that since the beginning. When my sister first went away to TCNJ the whole thing frightened me. Just the whole being away and stuff wasn't for me. Maybe something screwy happened in my past life that I'm paying for now, but lemme tell you, I wish it didn't bother me as much.
Well, I also wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life.

All in all, a lot is going on in my life that I'm unhappy about but only a couple things stay true and keep me happy and livin' life as much as I possibly can.
I have a guy that's been in my life for 2+ years now and he couldn't be any more perfect for me. He makes me laugh, (actually we make each other laugh a lot..but its mostly him making me laugh..), he likes to spend time with me, and he's not a tool. We may have our disagreements, but come on, if there weren't any disagreements, it wouldn't be reality. It would be a dream. So as you can see, he's pretty close to a dream. Thank god he's not.
Another really awesome and stable part of my life is my best friend. She's been close to me since kindergarten and it's been 15 years (holy toledo..) and counting. That number just sounds crazy. No wonder I don't remember a lot..

So I was planning on completely updating you on my life, but I think this will definitely have to be a, "To Be Continued" sort of thing, cuz I'm wipedd outt.

Until then,
Elle.


PS. So I've recently decided that I really like the nickname Elle (pronounced 'L') for Elizabeth. Is it weird to want to change it 20 years into it?

Twitter:
www.twitter.com/tangybabe

Lost & Found

I'm a very lost individual. Many things about me make me lost. I go through life now each day. I mean, don't get me wrong, i know what im doing the next but do i really know how im going to get through the day? not at all.. It's a terrible feeling. Not knowing how ill do the next day. I feel as though im missiung so much of my old self. A lot of me is gone. The only thing that keeps me wanting to finish my day is adam. Sometimes i question if what im feeling for him is real or not. BEcause its so strong that im afraid it will just disappear because thats what im so used to. It hurts me inside. i can't stand feeling all these useless emotions. Make me numb again.
Make me just feel love.

so..i love these people. end of story.

http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/u5soFOyIy2QgmGJf

So scratch whatever i said last time. This ones better. He's sweeter. He's funnier. He's just about perfect. I hope it works out. -eLiz

Todays my birthday. All i want is him..

ed to it

So i have this conflict. This boy i like..he likes me a lot. Its just so awkward with us i don't get it. He's a good guy. A very good guy. And i'm not us

i'd have a little bit of an easier time.

don't like that. At all. He's sweet. He's awkwardly cute. I don't know what to do. I wish my brain and body and soul all told me what they wanted. Then

I dunno what to do. I like this kid. He likes me. But i feel like i'm doing something wrong. I feel like there's more friend vibe than dating vibe, and i

So i like this boy. He likes me, i was told.. And i hope things work out. That's all i have to say right now.

So i don't know how this works. But i'm going to try and see if this sends correctly. :)

shut up and let me go.

no really, dont.
i could never handle it. Ok so this is odd. i havent done this in a while. all the other blogs are completely stupid cuz i have no life, so this blog is alll about my best friend. Cuz she means teh world to me. Her name is maureen. we met in kindegartennn and weve been best friends since. We're different in many ways, but get along as though we were one whole. She completes me. im a senior in high school and i really cannot bear to think about us being seperated next year. (ya know.. the whole us being different thing) We have two totally different ideas of what we want our careers to be, and its hard. i cant function without this girl. We cant stay in fights for more than a day. ever. its happened. I feel like i love her more than she loves me sometimes, but then i see she really does love me the same. and yes, we love each other. dearly. i would do anything for her. What do you consider the definition of love?

love:

noun, verb, loved, lov⋅ing. –noun

1.	a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.	a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. to need or require; benefit greatly from.

Exactly. Well put, dictionary.com...i dont even have words to describe this girl. We can do anything and everything, and it always becomes an adventcha! I cant go very long without talking to her. I'm so very attatched to her, and at times like this, i feel its a very bad thing.
She always tells me that if we met this year, id probably hate her. which is quite possibly true. Because we are so different.
I dunno why i feel i should make a post about her, but i need to actually type this shiz out. i have so much bottled up inside me, maybe i should let the good stuff out, and then maybe all the bad stuff wont be so smushed up together.

i love you maureen, with all my heart. you make me happy.

est. kindi
<3

 

what is their deal?

i try.
sometimes.
things are getting crazy.
everything is a mess.
I can't control people's feelings.
I hate how everyone drinks.
I hate teachers/coach's.
I hate project adventure.
I hate..I hate..everything.

this is when girls kill flowers...

with my luck.
he'll check this.

i have a best friend.
there is a slight dilemma connected to him.
yes, thats right.
i just said dilemma.
see this best friend disappeared for awhile.
but now...he/she is back
ya know what.
ill explain later..
i dont feel like it now
ha funny right?
adios
.

so...lets see whats new with my life so far...

So. let's start at the beginning.
im sitting in my house on the last day of school in my bathing suit. It's 3:20 in the afternoon. My two favorite girls just fell asleep on my couch.
We were going to go for a bike ride, but i guess thats not going to happen now.
-My dog is being unbearable. (he was sick yesterday, so now i guess hes making up for being so good..)
-im tired
-im feeling quite lonely.
-as i said b4.. they fell asleep.
So, im wasting some time doing things i wasn't allowed to do when i was supposed to be studing for finals.
did i mention i dont have school anymore?
Did i ALSO mention i dumped a guy that was really nice?.. and.. good to me?
yeah.. theres somehting wrong with my brain.
but the thin is, i dont like having a boyfriend.
tied down.. i really dont like it.
but i think, if that one guy i have my eye on, asked me.. then id say yes.
bc i think it would be different with him.
hes really cute too.. (did i mention that yet?)
So i met him this year, but we never really talked until the end of the year. Which is sort of sad, but hes funny, and hes... really REALLY cute, and hes just my size
(not that being any other size was bad..im just saying)
so yeah.. he almost came over today too... but he couldnt :-(
i hope we get to hang out though, and i hope he doesnt ignore me or anything.
oh god... what a guy..
AnYwAy..
i dont know if i should wake them up.. or if i should just wander off and do my own thing...
i cant believe they fell asleep.
i hate how my summer is all fille dup already.. ALREADY!
tomorrow im going to the beach with maureen and my mom and my sister and stef, and some cousins.. then friday im going down to the boat until maybe sunday..
and then hopefully Sunday i can come home early enough to go paintbrawling with maureeny and michelle..
(although im probably going to just speculate)
At the end of the month is the field hockey camp, and then allies bbq party.. and then july i have other stuff..
im never going to be home on weekends..
im always going to be on the boat.. not thta its a bad thing realy, bc i loe lavalette more than OB, but ill wanna hang with people from school.
aka.. cutie.
actually, hes more than cute, he's like.. abnormally amazingly hot.
if that is even possible.
(hes myspace pics aren't as good as the real thing)
:-)
ohh. somebodies got it badddddd.
too bad he doesnt like me enough.
well, i might as well check on the pooch and make sure he hasnt done any more damage to the house..
just to be annoying.
maybe someone will actually read this...
ciao bella

i hate how things end up in my life...

and how bad everything gets..

::sigh::

im standing by my own...forget about the past ill never know...

i hate this. I hate it a lot. I hate having to make believe things never happened, because thats the only way i can get over things. Not like anything really happened..but it feels like it did.
But now i'm supposed to MOVE on.
easy right?
no, sorry, not for me
::sigh::
i'm so sick of this.
Why can't anything just work out the way i planned for once.
arghhh