Dogs, movies, and tissues. Oh my.

So it's been pretty busy around here lately. You know, because of the holiday(s) and such. Two days ago was Thanksgiving, yesterday was Black Friday, and today will just be another Saturday. Another Saturday will come and go and I will still be unhappy with my life. I'm sure it's perfectly fixable. Nothing is undo-able, but the unhappy portions could be fixed...right? I'm sure I could say that all I want but it won't help me at all...
Anyway, the point of my blog is to ramble on about my night.
So I spent it home. (big surprise there) I was supposed to hang out with my best friend today but something came up and she wasn't able to make it to my house any longer so that really bummed me out. I was really looking forward to it. She's not only a best friend but she's pretty much my other half. We've known each other for many years, (I'd need my fingers AND my toes to count) and I haven't really seen much of her in months. She lives up north for school and I live here with my parents because I don't go to school and I don't really do much traveling or anything. Anyway, I watched a couple movies online. The first one was 30 Minutes or Less and the second was 50/50. (Odd that they both include numbers..i just realized that..) 30 Minutes or Less was pretty funny. Too many curses in my opinion, but it definitely had its funny moments. Then I watched 50/50 and half way into the movie I realized that it was a mistake. It was definitely one of those movies that either I should watch with my best friend or just not at all. So I chose to watch it alone, and although it didn't end in sadness, the movie completely bummed me out. (this was definitely a bummed out night..)
The movie definitely focused on the fact that Joseph Gordon-Levitt has cancer and the process of learning about it and struggling to get through it and cure it, but a big part of the movie was who actually cared enough about him to be with him throughout everything. So that really hit me and made me really emotional because I've lost a few friends in the passed years because of "differences" and it just made me think about the people that I do still talk to and how would they be in a situation like that.
I don't need a ton of friends. Why would you want a bunch of friends that care for you a little when you could have a couple best friends that would do anything for you?

My closest friends are Adam and Maureen. They both know me better than I know myself most of the time and even though it sucks hardcore that I'm not close with my two girlfriends anymore, (one I'm still close friends with but not as close as it used to be, and one abruptly stopped being friends with me)I try and be positive about it. I always try and stay strong and think, I have Adam and Maureen. They know me, they love me, and that's all that matters, but being here at home, in the house that I've grown up in, had constant sleepovers in, had huge crushes on boys in and made tons of awesome memories in, I feel like it's all a constant reminder of what I've lost and what I can't have back.
I get it. Everyone grows up, everyone moves on and whoever ends up sticking with you the whole time definitely loves you, but it flippin' sucks. I always end up thinking about those times and memories and getting bummed out when there is no one that can come and distract me. Adam lives his life and works and does the school thing and Maureen is away at school for most of the year.

I hate changes, if you couldn't tell already...
So back to the main point of the story, if you can even understand any of this...
I finished the movie and Adam had texted me saying he was on his way home from his buddies house and since I was really upset I asked him if he was close by if he could stop by. Well, if we're getting technical, which I like it to be, Adam has to actually pass my house to get back home and I texted him asking him if he did so yet. Then he called me and said he'd stop by for a minute. (I never actually asked him to stop..)

So he came inside because it was a bit chilly out, and I just hugged him for as long as he would let me and then Dylan (my dog) came in and started making a ton of noise.
Some background info:
-Dylan gets really excited when Adam comes over because he absolutely loves him. I mean, anyone who wouldn't love Adam is just stupid because he's just a lovable guy...
-It was around 3:30am at this time so Dylan going crazy and crying would wake up my parents and that is no bueno..

So after Adam left a couple minutes later, and I had yelled (quietly) at Dylan for making so much noise. But when I looked down at him and saw how innocent he looked and happy that even though Adam had woken him up from his sound sleep, he was so overjoyed to see a familiar face and smell a familiar scent. I immediately broke down and started crying and before I knew it I was sitting on the floor hugging Dylan crying my eyes out. The best thing about Dylan or about any dog for that matter is that it's like they know when something's wrong. It's crazy how they know but they totally do. All Dylan did was sit there and let me hug him. He licked my cheek a few times, probably because of the salty tears, but he sat there and just let me hug hm and pet him. I cried and cried for probably 15 minutes and he eventually got up, stretched, and nudged me so he could cuddle up in my lap. (He's a boxer so he's not exactly a lap dog) He stayed with me until I was done thinking and crying and being a complete girl about my life, and when I finally calmed down, he looked up at me and gave me a sleepy look like, "It's alright, I'm here and I'll keep you company. Now stop moving around so much.."
Dylan's my second dog. We had a dog named George when I was growing up and we were the same age. My sister was lucky in 1991, she got a little sister and a puppy dog..
It crushed me when George died. Well, it crushed the whole family. My mom and I didn't want another dog after him but my sister and my dad wanted one. Long story short, years went by and one day we went shopping for something and came home with a puppy. For a month he was nameless (because we couldn't decide between Dylan or Oscar) and he was just a ball of fun and sleepiness.
He's the biggest cuddle-monster ever and he's not aware of his weight at all. He's now five years old, he'll be turning six right after Christmas, and I dread the day when he doesn't greet me at the door. I know, I know, that's terrible to think of. He's here and living and still a bundle of joy, but I feel like it's haunting me almost. I'm not sure why. It's sad and depressing but it does make me stop and think about him a lot. And makes me realize how much I love him. And even though I don't have Maureen and Adam around me sometimes when I need them, I always have Dylan to sit with me when my eyes are red and puffy and to snuggle up and cuddle with me when I need a warm shoulder to lean on.
I'm aware he's a dog and not a person, but the love that pours out of this dog is more than I've ever seen even out of a lot of people I know.

This is for you Dylan. Thank you for being my pet, my friend, and sometimes even my little brother.
Thank you for looking so cute and innocent that day we got you.
I love you

Ranting a few years too early?

So for some reason it's become the new "thing" to have your wedding on the tv or discussed in a magazine or public in some sorhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gift of way. There has been a noticeable amount of celebrities who are tying the knot and showing it all on the tv. Of course I realize that there is always money involved when something is shown on the networks but I've noticed that more and more people are broadcasting something that in my opinion is quite personal. I've been to a few weddings in my time and every one of them is slightly different. Is that normal? I always thought that if it was a traditional wedding it was..traditional. I understand the bride and groom can have it however they want to because it's their day but what exactly makes it "traditional"? And how much can you change it before its not traditional anymore?
I decided to Google traditional weddings and see what I found and I stumbled upon the Wedding Expense Breakdown: http://www.wedalert.com/content/planning/expense_breakdown.asp
How insane is that? Is that actually how it used to be? And if so, does anyone still do it that way? I would feel so bad if the parents on both sides had to pay and my husband to be and I did not. Maybe the fact that I'm young and I was born into a world where people are way more independent but I always felt like weddings were something that two people celebrated and shared with their family and friends. Not something that the family threw for the two lovebirds. I see how in a way it makes sense because the two people getting married and are just starting their lives so they don't have that much money to spend on a wedding and other things but to completely split the bill of everything between the two pairs of parents is absurd to me. I can see the parents "helping out", but absolutely not paying for the whole thing. Crazy talk.
Am I the only one that feels this way? Am I just lost in my own mind when it comes to these things?
Who knows. All I know is that I want a semi traditional wedding. I say semi because I'd like to take out the pointless traditions. For example, when the bride throws the bouquet, any sort of little thing like that. I'm not a fan. Also the STUPID games that the women play at the bridal shower. That's a whole other long chat..
When discussing the Bridal shower that is probably the one thing I will not be traditionally doing prior to my wedding. It always bothered me when I was little and had to sit through the bride opening all the gifts she received and watching my mom and her family play the ridiculous games that ask questions about either the bride or celebrity brides or whatever the case may be.
None of that will happen at my bridal Shower. It probably won't even be called a Bridal Shower. You know why? Because I won't be the only one using the gifts that I receive. My husband will be there with me, sitting next to me, opening gifts and everything. Its not like he'll be bored. It will be gifts that we registered for together. Everyone will be there. The groomsmen, the bridesmaids, the parents, the grandparents. It'll be kinda like the engagement party (if there is one). One. Big. Party.
Everyone should have an awesome time with everyone. And if you don't want to go you don't have to.
I don't know if it is this way in your family, but if someone didn't show up to someone's shower/wedding or doesn't want to or whatever it is, they flip. It's like a sin. Hey, if you don't want to come to my party/wedding it's not a problem at all. It's less money to spend on my part, and you are less miserable. I want to be able to celebrate my wedding and be happy with people that will be happy for me and enjoy themselves. Right? I think that makes sense.

Now this may seem odd that I'm talking about weddings and such but blame it on the TV! It's so in your face all the time, with the "Every kiss begins with Kayyyyy" and the wedding shows, the wedding dress shows, the Bridezilla shows, just everything! It's constantly in your face and me being a girl, I notice it all. It makes me think about my future and how I want to have it all work out. I feel like that's pretty reasonable.

And hey, the more I figure out now, the less I have to worry about later... right?...

Buonanotte Bella

I designed this at Converse.com

I designed this at Converse.com


yes please.

Sick, sad, little world.

Just recently someone that I grew up with in middle school and high school passed away from an overdose. He died September 23, 2011 and his birthday was only a few weeks after mine. He wasn't one of the smarter students, or even one of the "well-behaved" students but he was definitely the kindest and funniest that I met on my journey through middle school. I met him in 6th grade and he seemed to put a smile on my face everyday. Even though some days he would be a big troublemaker and hang out with the "wrong" crowd, in my eyes he seemed to be living his life how he wanted to.
I soon had a crush on him..
Even though we really just grew apart after that year, I always had a soft spot for him. The way his voice sounded, (because it had this rusty sort of sound to it) and he was always just a really nice guy. He was an excellent athlete. He excelled in so many sports and made so many friends.
I'm sure he loved his friends to death, but they were not the type of friends that would encourage him to do good in school, or take care of himself or any of that stuff so the environment that he grew up with was not so great.
Recently I found out that he went to rehab a little bit after graduating from high school and that made me sad.
I wondered what he was going through and who was the first one to offer him some sort of drug. Who started the horrible habits? How did he get into something so deadly? Was it still just the lousy environment he was in?
Was he living the lifestyle he wanted to?
When I found out through Facebook that he had passed, I quickly typed his name into Google to try and find out any information about him since I haven't heard about him in years. As soon as I finished typing his name, a mugshot from Florida popped up. Aggravated assault on a cop.
All of this information just buzzed around in my head for a couple days. I constantly wondered what his family must be going through, hoping that his friends and family would find the good things about him and not focus on the bad.
As I was going about my day, I kept thinking about how he can't continue on with his life, and make adult decisions like buying a car, paying for apartment rent, or even just being able to pick out a couch for his home. He can never do any of those things now.
I wonder what he thought about every night before he went to sleep. Was he happy with the way his life was? Was he struggling to just survive each and every day? No one really knows how he felt and unfortunately his life has ended.
A parent should never have to bury their child. It breaks my heart to have to hear about something like this. The fact that I knew him and made contact with him once before in my life, really made it hit home for me and I've broken down a few times. Even though I was not really friends with him, I feel hurt and damaged. A guy my age, his life is over, his story has ended abruptly and there is nothing that can be done except mourn the loss.

Rest In Peace Jeff Pancetti
6.23.91-9.23.11
You will not be forgotten.

http://www.facebook.com/always.remembered.never.forgotten

Start of a new life...sort of.

So it's late. It's about 2am on a Thursday night and I just finished watching Limitless. Well, that was quite some time ago..
So as you can see, I haven't updated in a long time.
My life is on a different track now, and it's not completely terrible, but it could totally be better.
So, I graduated from High School. I graduated from Community College, and now all I have is an associates in Business. I am not transferring to a four year school for two reasons:
1. I don't want to continue with Business, and I have no real career in mind. I'm stuck and I don't know what to do with my life..
2. College is just not for me. Most of my friends are away at college and I feel like it would be nice to get away from home but that's not something I really want to do. The whole dorming with a stranger, eating crappy food everyday, not having the comfort of my own house and good homemade food?
No thank you.
It's just not for me. I knew that since the beginning. When my sister first went away to TCNJ the whole thing frightened me. Just the whole being away and stuff wasn't for me. Maybe something screwy happened in my past life that I'm paying for now, but lemme tell you, I wish it didn't bother me as much.
Well, I also wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life.

All in all, a lot is going on in my life that I'm unhappy about but only a couple things stay true and keep me happy and livin' life as much as I possibly can.
I have a guy that's been in my life for 2+ years now and he couldn't be any more perfect for me. He makes me laugh, (actually we make each other laugh a lot..but its mostly him making me laugh..), he likes to spend time with me, and he's not a tool. We may have our disagreements, but come on, if there weren't any disagreements, it wouldn't be reality. It would be a dream. So as you can see, he's pretty close to a dream. Thank god he's not.
Another really awesome and stable part of my life is my best friend. She's been close to me since kindergarten and it's been 15 years (holy toledo..) and counting. That number just sounds crazy. No wonder I don't remember a lot..

So I was planning on completely updating you on my life, but I think this will definitely have to be a, "To Be Continued" sort of thing, cuz I'm wipedd outt.

Until then,
Elle.


PS. So I've recently decided that I really like the nickname Elle (pronounced 'L') for Elizabeth. Is it weird to want to change it 20 years into it?

Twitter:
www.twitter.com/tangybabe

Lost & Found

I'm a very lost individual. Many things about me make me lost. I go through life now each day. I mean, don't get me wrong, i know what im doing the next but do i really know how im going to get through the day? not at all.. It's a terrible feeling. Not knowing how ill do the next day. I feel as though im missiung so much of my old self. A lot of me is gone. The only thing that keeps me wanting to finish my day is adam. Sometimes i question if what im feeling for him is real or not. BEcause its so strong that im afraid it will just disappear because thats what im so used to. It hurts me inside. i can't stand feeling all these useless emotions. Make me numb again.
Make me just feel love.

so..i love these people. end of story.

http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/u5soFOyIy2QgmGJf

So scratch whatever i said last time. This ones better. He's sweeter. He's funnier. He's just about perfect. I hope it works out. -eLiz

Todays my birthday. All i want is him..

ed to it

So i have this conflict. This boy i like..he likes me a lot. Its just so awkward with us i don't get it. He's a good guy. A very good guy. And i'm not us

i'd have a little bit of an easier time.

don't like that. At all. He's sweet. He's awkwardly cute. I don't know what to do. I wish my brain and body and soul all told me what they wanted. Then

I dunno what to do. I like this kid. He likes me. But i feel like i'm doing something wrong. I feel like there's more friend vibe than dating vibe, and i

So i like this boy. He likes me, i was told.. And i hope things work out. That's all i have to say right now.

So i don't know how this works. But i'm going to try and see if this sends correctly. :)

shut up and let me go.

no really, dont.
i could never handle it. Ok so this is odd. i havent done this in a while. all the other blogs are completely stupid cuz i have no life, so this blog is alll about my best friend. Cuz she means teh world to me. Her name is maureen. we met in kindegartennn and weve been best friends since. We're different in many ways, but get along as though we were one whole. She completes me. im a senior in high school and i really cannot bear to think about us being seperated next year. (ya know.. the whole us being different thing) We have two totally different ideas of what we want our careers to be, and its hard. i cant function without this girl. We cant stay in fights for more than a day. ever. its happened. I feel like i love her more than she loves me sometimes, but then i see she really does love me the same. and yes, we love each other. dearly. i would do anything for her. What do you consider the definition of love?

love:

noun, verb, loved, lov⋅ing. –noun

1.	a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.	a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. to need or require; benefit greatly from.

Exactly. Well put, dictionary.com...i dont even have words to describe this girl. We can do anything and everything, and it always becomes an adventcha! I cant go very long without talking to her. I'm so very attatched to her, and at times like this, i feel its a very bad thing.
She always tells me that if we met this year, id probably hate her. which is quite possibly true. Because we are so different.
I dunno why i feel i should make a post about her, but i need to actually type this shiz out. i have so much bottled up inside me, maybe i should let the good stuff out, and then maybe all the bad stuff wont be so smushed up together.

i love you maureen, with all my heart. you make me happy.

est. kindi
<3

 

what is their deal?

i try.
sometimes.
things are getting crazy.
everything is a mess.
I can't control people's feelings.
I hate how everyone drinks.
I hate teachers/coach's.
I hate project adventure.
I hate..I hate..everything.

this is when girls kill flowers...

with my luck.
he'll check this.

i have a best friend.
there is a slight dilemma connected to him.
yes, thats right.
i just said dilemma.
see this best friend disappeared for awhile.
but now...he/she is back
ya know what.
ill explain later..
i dont feel like it now
ha funny right?
adios
.

so...lets see whats new with my life so far...

So. let's start at the beginning.
im sitting in my house on the last day of school in my bathing suit. It's 3:20 in the afternoon. My two favorite girls just fell asleep on my couch.
We were going to go for a bike ride, but i guess thats not going to happen now.
-My dog is being unbearable. (he was sick yesterday, so now i guess hes making up for being so good..)
-im tired
-im feeling quite lonely.
-as i said b4.. they fell asleep.
So, im wasting some time doing things i wasn't allowed to do when i was supposed to be studing for finals.
did i mention i dont have school anymore?
Did i ALSO mention i dumped a guy that was really nice?.. and.. good to me?
yeah.. theres somehting wrong with my brain.
but the thin is, i dont like having a boyfriend.
tied down.. i really dont like it.
but i think, if that one guy i have my eye on, asked me.. then id say yes.
bc i think it would be different with him.
hes really cute too.. (did i mention that yet?)
So i met him this year, but we never really talked until the end of the year. Which is sort of sad, but hes funny, and hes... really REALLY cute, and hes just my size
(not that being any other size was bad..im just saying)
so yeah.. he almost came over today too... but he couldnt :-(
i hope we get to hang out though, and i hope he doesnt ignore me or anything.
oh god... what a guy..
AnYwAy..
i dont know if i should wake them up.. or if i should just wander off and do my own thing...
i cant believe they fell asleep.
i hate how my summer is all fille dup already.. ALREADY!
tomorrow im going to the beach with maureen and my mom and my sister and stef, and some cousins.. then friday im going down to the boat until maybe sunday..
and then hopefully Sunday i can come home early enough to go paintbrawling with maureeny and michelle..
(although im probably going to just speculate)
At the end of the month is the field hockey camp, and then allies bbq party.. and then july i have other stuff..
im never going to be home on weekends..
im always going to be on the boat.. not thta its a bad thing realy, bc i loe lavalette more than OB, but ill wanna hang with people from school.
aka.. cutie.
actually, hes more than cute, he's like.. abnormally amazingly hot.
if that is even possible.
(hes myspace pics aren't as good as the real thing)
:-)
ohh. somebodies got it badddddd.
too bad he doesnt like me enough.
well, i might as well check on the pooch and make sure he hasnt done any more damage to the house..
just to be annoying.
maybe someone will actually read this...
ciao bella