So it's been pretty busy around here lately. You know, because of the holiday(s) and such. Two days ago was Thanksgiving, yesterday was Black Friday, and today will just be another Saturday. Another Saturday will come and go and I will still be unhappy with my life. I'm sure it's perfectly fixable. Nothing is undo-able, but the unhappy portions could be fixed...right? I'm sure I could say that all I want but it won't help me at all...
Anyway, the point of my blog is to ramble on about my night.
So I spent it home. (big surprise there) I was supposed to hang out with my best friend today but something came up and she wasn't able to make it to my house any longer so that really bummed me out. I was really looking forward to it. She's not only a best friend but she's pretty much my other half. We've known each other for many years, (I'd need my fingers AND my toes to count) and I haven't really seen much of her in months. She lives up north for school and I live here with my parents because I don't go to school and I don't really do much traveling or anything. Anyway, I watched a couple movies online. The first one was 30 Minutes or Less and the second was 50/50. (Odd that they both include numbers..i just realized that..) 30 Minutes or Less was pretty funny. Too many curses in my opinion, but it definitely had its funny moments. Then I watched 50/50 and half way into the movie I realized that it was a mistake. It was definitely one of those movies that either I should watch with my best friend or just not at all. So I chose to watch it alone, and although it didn't end in sadness, the movie completely bummed me out. (this was definitely a bummed out night..)
The movie definitely focused on the fact that Joseph Gordon-Levitt has cancer and the process of learning about it and struggling to get through it and cure it, but a big part of the movie was who actually cared enough about him to be with him throughout everything. So that really hit me and made me really emotional because I've lost a few friends in the passed years because of "differences" and it just made me think about the people that I do still talk to and how would they be in a situation like that.
I don't need a ton of friends. Why would you want a bunch of friends that care for you a little when you could have a couple best friends that would do anything for you?
My closest friends are Adam and Maureen. They both know me better than I know myself most of the time and even though it sucks hardcore that I'm not close with my two girlfriends anymore, (one I'm still close friends with but not as close as it used to be, and one abruptly stopped being friends with me)I try and be positive about it. I always try and stay strong and think, I have Adam and Maureen. They know me, they love me, and that's all that matters, but being here at home, in the house that I've grown up in, had constant sleepovers in, had huge crushes on boys in and made tons of awesome memories in, I feel like it's all a constant reminder of what I've lost and what I can't have back.
I get it. Everyone grows up, everyone moves on and whoever ends up sticking with you the whole time definitely loves you, but it flippin' sucks. I always end up thinking about those times and memories and getting bummed out when there is no one that can come and distract me. Adam lives his life and works and does the school thing and Maureen is away at school for most of the year.
I hate changes, if you couldn't tell already...
So back to the main point of the story, if you can even understand any of this...
I finished the movie and Adam had texted me saying he was on his way home from his buddies house and since I was really upset I asked him if he was close by if he could stop by. Well, if we're getting technical, which I like it to be, Adam has to actually pass my house to get back home and I texted him asking him if he did so yet. Then he called me and said he'd stop by for a minute. (I never actually asked him to stop..)
So he came inside because it was a bit chilly out, and I just hugged him for as long as he would let me and then Dylan (my dog) came in and started making a ton of noise.
Some background info:
-Dylan gets really excited when Adam comes over because he absolutely loves him. I mean, anyone who wouldn't love Adam is just stupid because he's just a lovable guy...
-It was around 3:30am at this time so Dylan going crazy and crying would wake up my parents and that is no bueno..
So after Adam left a couple minutes later, and I had yelled (quietly) at Dylan for making so much noise. But when I looked down at him and saw how innocent he looked and happy that even though Adam had woken him up from his sound sleep, he was so overjoyed to see a familiar face and smell a familiar scent. I immediately broke down and started crying and before I knew it I was sitting on the floor hugging Dylan crying my eyes out. The best thing about Dylan or about any dog for that matter is that it's like they know when something's wrong. It's crazy how they know but they totally do. All Dylan did was sit there and let me hug him. He licked my cheek a few times, probably because of the salty tears, but he sat there and just let me hug hm and pet him. I cried and cried for probably 15 minutes and he eventually got up, stretched, and nudged me so he could cuddle up in my lap. (He's a boxer so he's not exactly a lap dog) He stayed with me until I was done thinking and crying and being a complete girl about my life, and when I finally calmed down, he looked up at me and gave me a sleepy look like, "It's alright, I'm here and I'll keep you company. Now stop moving around so much.."
Dylan's my second dog. We had a dog named George when I was growing up and we were the same age. My sister was lucky in 1991, she got a little sister and a puppy dog..
It crushed me when George died. Well, it crushed the whole family. My mom and I didn't want another dog after him but my sister and my dad wanted one. Long story short, years went by and one day we went shopping for something and came home with a puppy. For a month he was nameless (because we couldn't decide between Dylan or Oscar) and he was just a ball of fun and sleepiness.
He's the biggest cuddle-monster ever and he's not aware of his weight at all. He's now five years old, he'll be turning six right after Christmas, and I dread the day when he doesn't greet me at the door. I know, I know, that's terrible to think of. He's here and living and still a bundle of joy, but I feel like it's haunting me almost. I'm not sure why. It's sad and depressing but it does make me stop and think about him a lot. And makes me realize how much I love him. And even though I don't have Maureen and Adam around me sometimes when I need them, I always have Dylan to sit with me when my eyes are red and puffy and to snuggle up and cuddle with me when I need a warm shoulder to lean on.
I'm aware he's a dog and not a person, but the love that pours out of this dog is more than I've ever seen even out of a lot of people I know.
This is for you Dylan. Thank you for being my pet, my friend, and sometimes even my little brother.
Thank you for looking so cute and innocent that day we got you.
I love you
